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WEEK 5 - THIRD WEEK TOP FOR KEEP CALM
Keep Calm And Mkhitaryan remain top of the League - and overall - with a 37 point performance on Week 5. Keep Calm's score was 5 more than nearest rivals Relegation Terrorists and increases the gap to 11 points. 38 for Swiffer moves them closer to the top two in 3rd.
 
RAIDERS ON FIRE
Ramraiders are the shock Nightmare 11 of the week with 49 points. Inspired by 19 points from Billy Sharp who was sent off, their second best Nightmare was Kyle Walker with 7 points. Raiders climb 3 places to move into the Division Three promotion places. Wat A Team were next best with 47 - they move within a point of top spot in Division Two, and up to 5th overall.
 
BAD TRANSFER BUSINESS FOR UNEXPECTED STRUGGLERS
Perennial title challengers The Muppets have struggled a little this season so far, in no small part due to the early season form of Teemu Pukki and Ashley Barnes. The latter has moved himself into positive points this week (3), but after a 6 point week last week, Pukki scored again and -2 Nightmare points now makes his season total -8. Manager Richard Hancy dipped into the transfer window this week - making two changes for the second time this season. Both new boys were dropped to the bench by Bournemouth, and while Chris Mepham picked up a point for a last minute appearance, Ryan Fraser came on and scored. And as Muppets' two new boys scored -1 points between them, the two Newcastle men they replaced - Javier Manquillo and Jono Shelvey - earned themselves 7. The 8 point loss is enough to see Muppets fall into the Division One relegation zone. Watch out though, there is a very long way to go and I would not be at all surprised to see Muppets in the mix at the top before too long.

Christoffam are another team who have achieved recent success - two promotions in their first two seasons in Nightmare Soccer - but they are finding it much tougher in Division One. Chris Adamson-Middlemas took his transfer count to 7 already with 3 changes this week, and the three boys that came in picked up 4 points. Two of the sales were no-brainers with Sean Longstaff and Leandro Trossard injured. The kick in the teeth for the Christoffs though was watching Crystal Palace lose 4-0 at Tottenham with Patrick van Aanholt score an own goal. You've guessed it, van Aanholt was the other man Chris sold this week... after scoring -5 in his four appearances for Christoffam, they miss out on his 15 point performance!

Hextable Hackers, like Muppets a very experienced Nightmare 11, have also been very busy in the transfer market as they try to improve their fortunes after a disappointing run. Things could finally be falling into place for John-Paul Meredith's men, they climb over both Muppets and Christoffam to move two places clear of relegation with a 34 point week. John-Paul will be mighty glad of Tammy Abraham's yellow card and own goal - to go with this hattrick - otherwise the Chelsea man would have -13 points from two Hackers appearances! As it is, he's scored zero since joining Hextable on Week 4.
 
 
NEWS + UPDATES
Week 29 - Severe shortage of points
Week 28 - Aguero inspires Chivtasticoos
Week 27 - Keep Calm deposed after 24 weeks
Week 26 - single point separates top 2
Week 25 - just the one match
Week 24 - Minutes move between 10
 
TOP NIGHTMARES
PlayerTeamPointsThis
JoelintonNEWCASTLE1455
Tim KrulNORWICH1153
Max AaronsNORWICH1153
Ryan BertrandSOUTHAMPTON1143
Wilfried ZahaCRYSTAL PALACE1126
Jan BednarekSOUTHAMPTON1123
Gerard Deulofeu.REMOVED FROM LIST109
Steve CookBOURNEMOUTH1081
Declan RiceWEST HAM1074
Abdoulaye DoucoureWATFORD1056

View full player list
 
WORST NIGHTMARES
PlayerTeamPointsThis
Marcos AlonsoCHELSEA-7-3
Joe GomezLIVERPOOL-53
Pablo MariARSENAL-3-3
Scott DannCRYSTAL PALACE-3-3
Eric BaillyMAN UNITED-21
Sebastian Prodl.NO LONGER IN PREM.-1